Christmas whinge

Personally I find Christmas really weird. I'm always wondering - dreading would be a better word - what piece of crap they'll be giving me as a "present" this year.

Every year its the same - a lettuce leaf with a ribbon around it or fucking half an apple with a Santa stamped on it. Jeezus Christ. Like we Guinea Pigs are too dumb, you monkeys figure, to know what its about. And you sure as hell exploit that so you can give us sweet fuck all don't you? Merry Fucking Christmas back at you, tightarses.

Of course What's-her-name got something nice - a thing for her camera from Mr Tight-Purse Boyfriend himself - I was like - JEEZUS!! How'd you shoplift that, motherfucker?? Or was it at 95% discount? Or did you just find it in a rubbish bin? Maybe the guy's drug-fucked, I don't know. He's usually the sort to buy you a toy mobile phone as a symbolic present, rather than fork out any more cash for a real one.

Anyway, she got him something too - a thing for his laptop. Personally I think what he needs for that computer is a button the size of a dinner plate with ON/OFF printed on it is big red letters - so he can figure out how to do it - no such luck, eh, shit-for-brains?

Then it was my turn. Oh geeze, I thought, here we go. What is it? Yesterday's poo in a decorated box?

Not anything I'd want like maybe a gun so I can blow the boyfriend's head off next time he leans down to do a coochy-coo?

How about a TV so I don't have to sit through any more NCIS reruns? Around here its like: Oh look, an NCIS Christmas Special! Too bad if there's fire spewing out of the oven or lightning crackling from the malfunctioning microwave - tough! - lets hope we live to the next ad break because there's no way we are doing anything until then.

So what did I get? Two cherry's wrapped in Christmas paper. And I didn't even get to eat the paper. Great.

And then its "CLICKIDY-CLICKIDY-CLICK!!!" from her and her bloody camera - you'd think I just married Paris fucking Hilton or something.

All for her flickr and showing off her new camera bullshit - whatever. Sigh.

I did my best to puke while she was doing it but guinea pigs can't puke.

Definitely a disadvantage, that.